The Topics Everyone Wants to Avoid

By Ginny Finch

A recent Adult Ed meeting place was divided into three sections--Aging, Dying, and Death. To launch a discussion on these often-avoided topics,  Dumbarton’s  Pam Thielmann ( psychotherapist) and Arlene Kiely (educator and visiting nurse) invited Adult Ed participants to stand up and move to the word in which they felt most “present.”

They were then encouraged to briefly share the “why” of their choice in groups of two. Then Kiely solicited words from each group matching their reflections. Here are some highlights:

Aging: Fear”…”denial”…“15 pills a day”...“resentment”…“carry on”…“aches and pains”…“vulnerability,”... “gift of increasing experience”…“lack of mobility”…“incredulity."

Dying: “Scary”...“In-laws”…“too fast to say goodbye”…“sickness”…“the disorder of children dying“…”pain”…”loss”…“being beref.”

Death: “Compassion”…”surprise”…”release.”

In the remaining minutes of Adult Ed, various participants shared personal experiences having to do with dying or death. “We can feel more comfortable when death comes because we have taken the topic out of the closet,” said Thielmann. Added Kiely,” I’m so profoundly grateful we worship in a community which shares joys and concerns.”